Did you know that the dreaded tie clip is one of a whopping
five different types of restraining devices for neckties? I kid you not, the tie clip, tie bar, tie
tack, tie chain and tie strap are all part of a dysfunctional family of jewelry for men
designed with the sole purpose of keeping the wayward necktie in line. As for me, I have seen very few neckties in
danger of going all Gangnam style at a state dinner, but apparently I am in the
minority. The United States bears a
proud history of necktie discipline dating back to the 1850s – around the same
time our proud forefathers invented breast control in the form of bras. What was it about the Victorians that even
the most benign things had to be restrained?
We move on.
If you absolutely must keep your necktie from doing The
Dougie with opposing counsel while you argue a case before the Supreme Court,
please exercise your own form of restraint and avoid the tie clip. One word:
dreadful! Some blogs have been
trying to resurrect the tie clip as an article of suave sophistication, but I
beg you, please, resist! In fact, while
you’re at it, you can also make room in your Manly Jewelry Box by sending your
tie bars, tie tacks and tie chains all off to Cash for Gold.
Now that you’ve scoured the trail of tacky ooze in your home
created by these tiny little gold bars, just how should you curb your unruly
neckwear? Simple – the tie strap. Not to be confused with another manly
restraining strap, the tie strap is a relatively new form of necktie
bondage. This device works by putting it
through the label on the back of your tie and then buttoning it onto your shirt
buttons above and below the label. Now
that you’ve pulled several muscles and broken into a sweat wrestling your active
tie to the ground with said strap, it’s time to change shirts! Anyhoo, the tie strap is invisible since it
goes on the back of the tie so I’m giving it an A+ for your prep BDSM wardrobe.
Barring that, you could buy all of your shirts at ChathamIvy. We only sell t-shirts, so, no tie
needed. Problem solved. Thanks Chatham Ivy!
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| The bee that ate Manhattan tie clip really screams suave sophistication, no? |
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| Debonair record label tie clip crafted by Rainbow Dash at the My Little Pony design team |
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| For those frequent occasions when the cockroaches in your apartment challenge each other to a duel |
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| Jake's naughty necktie in a compromising position due to incorrect tie clip height. |
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| This is why the prep wardrobe should never include anything described as "male jewelry" |
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| The only tie clip Chatham Ivy fully supports anyone wearing. "I am the danger!" |
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